Reflections on our recent children’s social care conference

Well, what can I say? This conference was a day full of emotions!

Firstly, I want to thank everyone who joined either online or in person, everyone who contributed throughout the day, and everyone behind the scenes who kept the event running smoothly. 

And thank you to Kaat De Backer and Angela Frazer-Wicks, who paved the way for all of us with lived and learned experience to come together to be the change we want to see.
 

The start of the day

To say the day started off strong is an understatement. Sally Hogg, Assistant Director, Programmes and Impact at the Royal Foundation Centre for Early Childhood and Isabelle Trowler, Chief Social Worker for children and families in England, kicked us off with powerful reminders that the first 1001 days are critical for us all; babies, parents, their wider communities, and all professionals involved in their care. 

We looked at some of the science of early childhood development and, as a mum of children who are not in my care, some of this was difficult to hear. But it also gave me so much hope for the children that I have had the chance to raise; and reminded me that when my cup is poured into sufficiently, I can pour into my children’s cup.

Hearing Sally and Isabelle’s reflections really brought home why I do what I do – because every child and parent, and all of their wider villages, deserve the best support during this critical period.

Isabelle left us with a powerful message: 

“We are all here because we want to be the change”. 

And with that, we kicked off one of the most impactful conferences I have ever been too.
 

The experts by experience panel

Being part of the experts by experience panel just blew me away. Sitting up there on the stage, wearing many hats because of my lived experience, was breathtaking and overwhelming. A moment of pride that I will cherish forever. 

The panel was filled with raw, unfiltered, and unapologetic reflections from some of the women that I have been blessed to work with, and now call family. To share a wealth of knowledge from these women, and to see the nodding heads of so many professionals in the audience, let me know that real change is truly underway. 

One of my amazing colleagues on the panel reflected on her experiences, saying: 

“I’m not a bad person, I was just in a bad place.” 

This really brought home the need for trauma informed practices, access to resources, and training to be embedded across all services, from the top down.

Safe to say, I cried that day. And later, as I reflected on the event, I found my inner voice starting to criticise those tears. Despite all the work I have done, that voice can still sometimes say “you can’t cry in front of the professionals, they will think you aren’t stable. You can’t be so vulnerable around them.” 

But, the truth is, my tears matter. If I ever walk into spaces where people are coming together to share experiences and make change and it does not affect me – then I’ll know that I have become desensitised, a part of the problem. Hearing difficult things is one of the many hurdles we face in trying to change a system that is not working.
 

Research + Policy + Lived Experience = Amazing practice!

I will forever stand on this, advocate for this and make sure that I keep it at the heart of all my conversations.

Through the day, we got to hear about pockets of amazing practice from up and down the country. Services, projects and models that have been co-designed, co-produced, and are truly grounded in trauma informed practice. These examples highlighted the postcode lottery that parents currently face when they need support; but they also showed powerfully how everyone, everywhere can work to change the systems around them.
 

Making connections

Watching professionals and mothers having real, in-depth conversations over lunch really warmed my heart. Truth be told, it should never be ‘professionals vs parents’, or ‘them vs us’. We are two pieces of a puzzle – and when safe spaces are created, trust is earned, and respect is given, magnificent partnerships can be formed. That is where real change starts.

This conference was grounded in true collaboration and co-production between those with lived and learned experience – and it was so moving to see all of the breakout rooms deep in engaging, honest and raw discussion. 

Sharing my own experience in one of the breakout rooms was liberating, remaking the usual imbalance between mothers and professionals. This kind of sharing of knowledge and insight is all too often missed when we come at each other through the lenses of “significant harm” or “the enemy.”
 

A performance

The Clean Break performance we watched after lunch, Scenes from Lost Mothers, was heart wrenching and powerful at the same time. 

Based on the groundbreaking Lost Mothers research project from Dr Laura Abbott and Birth Companions, it gave real insight into the experiences of mothers separated from their babies in prison, and the urgent need for change across the criminal justice, children’s social care and maternity systems.
 

Final reflections

Overall, the day was an amazing success. It truly showed me what coming together with common goals and a real desire for change can achieve. It highlighted that balance, coalition, empathy, trust, and safe spaces to be seen and heard are vital.

Respect is a two-way street:

• Those with lived experience have hard-won insight. We are the best people to show where change is really needed, and we have a right to a seat at the decision-making table. 
• Professionals too, need guidance, support, and the space and time to take care of themselves. Honest conversations need to be happening at the top of services about the needs of the front-line staff.

This day really made my heart smile. My self-esteem, my confidence, and the realisation of how far I’ve come were so powerful. And to wear a badge that said “Expert by Experience” was the icing on the cake! 

On the not so good days, I am reminded that I have more than earned the right to be seen, to be heard, and, most importantly, to be a part of the system that I want to change.